Gray's Matter

This blog has moved!

2005-10-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

No, it's not anything crazy like the international conspiracy that caused Jago to move his blog to its new secret location...I just had my own domain and wanted to put a more customized solution up!!

The new blog is at http://graysmatter.codivation.com, and its RSS feed (for those of you in the know about RSS) is here.

The Doc - single no more

2005-09-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

My friend Dr. Teeth is getting married. I've long had trouble picturing the Doc getting married. It's not because of his obsession with comic book triviata, his need to conquer video games that bested him a decade ago, or his continuing love of role-playing games into his adult life. By RPG, I don't mean those nice comfortable new-fangled RPGs that all the kids like, with their Final Fantasies and their Dragon Warriors, either. I mean RPGs with the whole "dungeon master, I rolled a 16 out of 20 and now I'm a wandering transsexual yeti preacher" stuff going on.

Yes, I know that, *normally*, in any hands other than mine, these factors could lead to a disastrous perpetual virginity wherein the only woman who will go out with you is either
a) your mother
b) your sister
c) that 80 year old woman with the HOUSE OF CATS~!! on the corner (1)

However, the Doc is different. These qualities do nothing to detract from his attractiveness to the opposite sex (or so I've gathered), but through some mystical force I have yet to understand (2), actually enhance it!! So this was not the reason that I had a hard time picturing him being engaged. It is because Dr. Teeth, for a large period of time when I knew him, had a hairstyle and look that vaguely resembled the Renaissance-era paintings of none other than Jesus Christ. Can you picture Jesus getting all dolled up in a tuxedo and asking for someone's hand in marriage, with John, Peter, and James in their matching blue polyester suits? I know...I can't either! No, not even if the groomsmen were wearing a better color.

I know that many of you might doubt my claim of Dr. Teeth's eerie resemblance to someone else's painted and woefully inaccurate depiction of the Savior, so I've added some images to help illustrate my point (3).


Artist's depiction of Jesus	Artist's depiction of Doc

Anyway, I know you are all stunned by the resemblance, as was I! So I'm sure you can imagine my shock and awe at his announcement. In fact, part of me always secretly thought that he'd end up marrying Jago one day.

But in all seriousness, that is good news, my friend...just wanted to offer you my own note of congratulations and spread the news that there is once again one less stunningly handsome man to go free in the world.

-J

(1) I have been led to believe that "Peach" is actually none of the above.
(2) Some say is the sense of humor, the dashing good looks, and the wonderful sultry alto singing voice, but I know the Doc and these are foul lies. ;)
(3) I should point out that the Jesus depicted is these paintings, is of course, the early European white man's rendition of him, which of course *also* happened to be white. So the Doc probably doesn't actually resemble Jesus at all. Now that I think about it, this actually wrecks part of the point of this post, but I'm banking on the fact you'd never read to this point anyway!!

Suresh and Carrot Top - the sad story of a lover scorned

2005-09-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

My friend Suresh recently accused me of lusting after Carrot Top. Suresh is obviously a fool as there are only two people in this world I lust after, those being
1) my wife and 2) myself. However, you'd be surprised at what a little digging from Google turns up!!!

This doesn't entirely surprise me. Since Suresh wants to throw stones, I figured I should retort by publishing the SECRET E-MAIL he sent me a couple of years back...

---
Deer Justice,

I had a dreem about Carrot today again. I know you told me not to talk to you anymoar, but I needed to GET THIS OUT to somebody.

I sent him a poem and a peace of my finger today. I hope he responds soon!!! It's so hard to love somebody this strong.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This doesn't rhyme,
But I am definitely wanting your sweet ass, Carrot Top

Oh, well, back to Donny and the rest of the NKOTB...they always make me feel better.

-Suresh
P.S. This is the LAST time I will talk to you, I promise!!
P.P.S. This is a SEACRET EMALE. Don't TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT!! Or else I will NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN.

---
With this in mind, the sight of Suresh(1) and Carrot Top(2) making out really isn't that shocking to anyone, so let's focus on something that is - Carrot Top is *RIPPED*!!! The vascularity on his arms is insane. I'd be pretty inclined to think this guy is on the juice or something, but nonetheless, I have to give him credit - he's completely transformed his body!! Just goes to show that anyone can get themselves into shape if they try hard enough, work out, and eat right. Wow.

(1) I've noted that what I call "Suresh" many other people call "completely retarded".
(2) For those of you who are wondering, Carrot Top is the one with the red hair.

Riding into the gates of hell

2005-09-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

The only thing I like better than getting up really early in the morning is getting up really early in the morning to rush out for a road trip at 7 AM. The only thing I like better than a road trip starting at 7 AM in the morning is going on a road trip at 7 AM in the morning to the middle of nowhere, Alberta for 2 and a half hours each way.

One might think that a road trip straight into the heart of the prairies is anything but exciting; however, I...oh, forget it, we *know* it's going to be boring. But in an attempt to make this ride a little more 24-esque thrill-ridish, I'm going to try to open my team's ears to truly impressive music (1).

Attached is the list of music my unwitting team has in store for them tomorrow. You might notice that the only genres represented are:

1970s disco music
video game music
professional wrestling themes
complete obscura that no one has ever heard of
low-riding wanna-be white rapper music
songs from the Muppets

I'll update on Tuesday as to how successful I was at enlightening these poor souls (2)!

CD 1:

* John Coltrane - Giant Steps
* Let's Groove - Earth Wind & Fire
* Daytona USA - Rolling Start
* Street Fighter EX - Rising Dragon
* Chris Bangs - Watuzi Strut
* Bass is Base - Funkmobile
* Santana - Adouma
* US3 - Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)
* Soundscape UK - Round Trip
* US3 - Make Tracks
* Soundscape UK - Space Girls
* Yada Yada - Floot Juice
* Raw Stylus - Tuesday Afternoon
* Jamiroquai - Little L
* Street Fighter EX - Guardians of Light
* Kermit the Frog - Happy Feet (3)

CD 2:

* Daytona - Blue Skies
* KC And The Sunshine Band - That's the Way I Like It
* George Clinton - One Nation Under A Groove
* Gang Starr - Discipline
* Guru feat. Erykah Badu - Plenty
* WWF - Jive Soul Bro
* Village People - Hot Cop
* Sonic - Metallic Madness
* Sonic - Wacky Workbench
* LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out
* Red Hot Chili Peppers - Rollercoaster of Love
* Stevie Wonder - Superstition
* Blood Sweat and Tears - Spinning Wheel
* Digable Planets - Cool Like That
* Crystal Waters - 100% Pure Love
* Barry Manilow - Copa Cabana

(1) I would note that what I call impressive, other people may call "completely retarded".
(2) That is, if my dev team doesn't try to kill me and steal the car mid-trip.
(3) Yes, that's not a typo, I actually have "Happy Feet" by Kermit the Frog.

Other People's Stuff #02 - Weekend Edition

2005-09-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

WTF

Hello Kitty Fire Extinguisher

I'm trying to picture the fire fighter that would be carrying this around.

Largest Toy Collection

WOW. Didn't see any Transformers though.

Useful

ObjectGraph Dictionary

Awesome AJAX-driven dictionary - no server round-trips to do a lookup. Probably not as detailed as Merriam-Webster Online or whatnot.

MS Office Tip: Remove Formatting and Paste - Lifehacker

Probably handy if you've ever been annoyed at Word's tendency to just paste things in a non-conformant way to the rest of your document.

Self-help

How to pick up women - LifeHut

I'm not but this is more for those who have narrowly missed those one-night stands...=)

Entertainment

Family Guy presents Stewie Live

This is a sweet bit of work (if it ever comes back up) that was based off of the Burger King "Subservient Chicken" viral going around...

Bait (via Greg Bruns)

Career

Creating Passionate Users: Subvert from Within: a user-focused employee guide

A guide to get your company a little more focused on pleasing your customers, even if they don't originally want to. =)

Development

Chris_Pratley's OneNote WebLog : OneNote PowerToys Redux

More toys for OneNote. Ah, when I get a tablet...

tecosystems: Does the Desktop Matter?

Has the desktop become irrelevant with the era of the web app?

The Myth of Perfect Web Design

Pretty short and insightful article about trying to achieve "perfection" in web design. I've certainly been there before.

Aspect Oriented Programming

I keep meaning to read more about this but the other 700 things to read get in the way...;)

Visual Basic Developer Center: Migrating from ADO "Classic" to ADO.NET

One for the old schoolers out there, though I shudder to think of who is trapped at a company using VB6!

IanG on Tap: C# 3.0 - Var Isn't Object

"...there has been a lot of commentary, much of which is untainted by such prosaic concerns as bothering to check the facts before ranting."

Other People's Stuff #01 - September 23, 2005

2005-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Personal Development

Slacker Manager: Authenticity at work

Ramblings on how to be true...a bit thought-provoking if you enjoy that sort of "navel-gazing", as he says.

Video Games

Revolution Report - news - TGS 2005: Next-Gen.biz Interviews Developers on Controller

Everyone in game development is falling all over each other to be the first to have a mind-blowing orgasm over the new Revolution controller (I've already had mine, thanks for asking)

Humor

DJ Steve Ballmer Soundboard

Warning: many only be funny to people who follow Microsoft and Ballmber. I could seriously do this *all* day. Maybe that says more about me than I should be letting on?

Misc

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner - William Morrow, 2005

Post from the Freakonomics blog about why it would be infinitely better, rather than boycotting gas for a day, to simply not buy gas. Makes sense to me...but then again, I don't really need to drive very much.

Encyclopedia: MythBusters Episodes

Speaking of debunking myths...

Nishant Choksi - Astonish Illustration

Awesome line work here.

Del.icio.us popular sites
Populicio.us is back up!! Check out what everyone is linking to.

Development

The Bloggers Guide to BizTalk: Workspace Home

The Biztalk Bloggers Guide 1.7 is up - great for those who are looking to learn Biztalk.

Visual C# Developer Center : 101 LINQ Samples

LINQ samples are already up for all you early adopters out there!

Microsoft Windows Vista Developer Center : A Guided Tour of Windows Presentation Foundation

More stuff to go on the reading pile, I guess.

FreeTechBooks.com - Free computer science and programming books

Fairly self-evident, I think - some stuff on algorithms here, though the average Amazon reviews for some of these books have been spotty.

Welcome Back Gray, part two

2005-09-23T06:50:00.000-07:00

I found the entire thing a little bit ironic - those of you who have known me since my university days know that back then I was a horrible student, and probably couldn't have been less interested in computer science. I should amend the "horrible" statement - I actually did quite well in my first year and my last year (coincidentally, the years of my degree that I wasn't distracted with women and drama classes) but I am not terribly proud of the middle years of my degree. Sure, there were some great things that happened in those years, but *none* of them were of a scholastic nature.

I went through almost my entire degree program having many profs that ranted/yelled at me about "wasted potential". I thought they were just being blowhards, but they were right...I really should have made more out of my time at the U. I once scored a 10% - that's right, ten percent - on a statistics mid-term, and I got that for writing my name. Realizing I was in great danger of failing the class, and also flunking out of my degree program, I crammed hardcore two weeks before the final. For this, I was hauled into his room after the final and accused of cheating, because he thought that scoring a 10% on a mid-term and a 90% on the final were not congruent. Even after he realized I hadn't cheated on the exam, he was still angry. I couldn't figure this out, until he turned to me and asked...

"Do you have any understanding of what you could have done in this class had you actually been applying yourself?"

And that answer would have been "obviously, no". ;) Honestly, this didn't sink in *at any time* during my degree program. I was too busy thinking about how I would one day be going to NY to acting school and that these classes were therefore completely irrelevant to me! =)

The truth is, I was a *huge* slacker in university compared to what I *could* have done if I had even tried a tenth as hard, and when I first got out of the U this carried over professionally; I treated things as if it was always someone else's fault, it was never my problem, and it was (of course) never my lack of effort that was the difficulty. ;) Certainly I think this is a large reason as to why my first employment opportunity (at a place in Edmonton while I was still at the U) was pretty much a disaster by anyone's reckoning...I can say with complete confidence I was less competent than almost any employee of any other job I've had since (with a notable few exceptions). =) I'm not sure what actually snapped me out of this destructive mentality, but it might have been facing a year of unemployment and considering selling myself on the street to make money (1).

This is actually the sad truth as to how I'm able to detect a bad attitude or someone who is simply going through life making excuses - because I've been there, and been worse than *any* of these people! Honestly, I've been interviewing people before where I've privately thought, "This guy is just like you several years back ...there's *no* way he's a hire!" =)

In the end though, I'm still grateful for the experiences I had at the U...if I *had* been applying myself at the degree, my life would have been a very different place and might not have ended up where it did today - and I kind of like where it ended up today!! =)

Peace,
-J

(1) And let me tell you, if I had done that, it would have been some *serious* money!!

Welcome Back Gray - return to the alma mater

2005-09-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, two days ago I went back to the University for a brief speaking engagement at the University for the co-op program. My fellow developers and I were mistaken for students more than once (probably a tribute to our dashing good looks and youthful exuberance). The first time was minor ("you guys can fill out your name-tags over there"..."um, actually, we're employers. I think you've got our name tags on the table") but the second time was a little funnier, as the three of us were sitting at a table when we were approached by some older gentleman...

Old (sits down): So, how would you like to be involved doing system security for the federal government?
J: Uh, I think we'd...
Old: Let me tell you a bit more about it. It's involving...(talks for another minute)
J: This sounds great, except that we're not students. We're actually employers. But feel free to sit with us if you'd like.
Old: Damn it!

I was pretty pleased with the response we recieved after we were done speaking. The other developers and I (although obviously biased) really felt like we were a great company to work for and had some of the most exciting stuff to do out of the companies in attendace. Apparently the students there felt the same vibe - we had a lot of kids come up to us afterwards and tell us that we sounded like the coolest company there. I wouldn't have even bothered noting this if it weren't for the fact that *Bioware* was also in attendance! And Bioware is a video game company!!

Overall, it was an awesome night - it was *wonderful* to see so many great and talented people interested - not just in our company, but in the software development business period. The industry can only get better with better people!

A review - of other blog domain names!

2005-09-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

This blog would have been up earlier, if I hadn't have been 3 or 4 years late to setting up with Blogger; apparently, almost *every* name I came up was taken. All of the following clever (1) names were taken:

graysmatter (nothing there at all! lazy @$$es)
graymatter (last updated with a scintillating review of the 2001 MTV awards)
graymatters (*truly* inspiring post here)
grayarea (I figure the only reason there's only one post here is that the owner was arrested for stalking)
thegrayarea (I think I was more creeped out by the "hey come to sweetload.blogspot.com" than the drug-addled ranting)
shadesofgray (I'd hate to be one of the friends who this blog was "dedicated" to...a one sentence post two years ago??)

All of these pale in comparison to shadeofgray, which obviously was written by either
a) a rejected soap opera writer
b) a teenage girl
c) my friend Suresh
d) all of the above

Even trying to set up MCFT.blogspot.com met with failure - and those of you who are reading this would know that I'd have to be really, really desperate in order to resort to this!

While I am astounded that Blogger would not immediately kick some of these people off of their system in favor of hosting my mad intellectual SOOOPER-GENIUS(3) in one of these domains, I have made due with grays-matter, as

a) at least graysmatter.blogspot doesn't exist yet,
b) I will not be confused with either a drug addict, MTV junkie, a lobotomized monkey, or (worst of all) Suresh.

-J

(1) I've noticed that things that I call "clever" are often what many others call "completely retarded"
(2) I've noticed that what I call "mad intellectual SOOOPER-GENIUS" is often what many others call "completely retarded"